The World Wasn’t Wide Enough

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“Let’s go.”

The Shaun has sat in front of his keyboard at least a dozen times over the last several months. A paragraph would come here and a topic would jump out there; yet no spark that would form anything significant. The Shaun couldn’t help but wonder if the passion he had towards writing had left him in the time he last committed himself to writing on a regular basis. Other outlets served its purpose for a period of time yet ultimately left The Shaun unfulfilled. When you finish reading a book and put it back on the shelf, do you take it down from time to time to reminisce over your favorite parts or do you sit down and read the whole book. It is good to reminisce on stories of the past, just as long as you do not get so tied up that you neglect to pick up a new book at all. Once a particular book as served it’s purpose, there comes a time when the book’s place is on the shelf where it needs to stay as we’ve gained all we can gain from it. To keep picking it up over and over again to relearn the same lesson but expecting your life to improve is the definition of insanity, is it not?

Something was missing but it just wasn’t jumping out at him. This block began to create an anxiety that stifled the simplest of tasks as the sense of an interrupted journey came over and created a constant cloud mentally. Bursts of periodical inspirational moments would occur but faded soon after. Even watching the news or flipping through the Twitter feed brought nothing of true substance. Anxiety turned into frustration and overcame the vision that exists when this all begin.

The Shaun wanted to his pen to dance again but there was no music.

“You’ll feel better once you get your degree.” Nope.

“Maybe you need a vacation.” Nope.

Yet as the foliage of 2016 came and the leaves began to fall, a series of unrelated yet significant events took place and the epiphany occurred. At first, what began clear to The Shaun was a very difficult pill to swallow. The Shaun, who at a time would proudly refer to himself as the smartest person in the room, was now feeling like a total idiot. As each occurrence took place, it was evident these series of events served a purpose towards a revelation that The Shaun could not ignore or deny no matter how hard he tried. The hilarity in the thought it was the music of Hamilton that cleared the fog in The Shaun’s mind. This presented the root cause of the writer’s block, lack of direction and most importantly lack of passion was shoved right in front of his face.

The Shaun was leading a double life.

The Shaun was Alexander Hamilton.

Shaun was Aaron Burr.

Neither a villain. Neither a hero.

The music and story does not translate directly but as time goes on and more chapters to the story are told maybe the connection.

It is all about prospective from those who tell the story.

“Let me tell you what I wish I’d known
When I was young and dreamed of glory:
You have no control:

Who lives. Who dies. Who tells your story.”

Most reading this will have no idea what the hell The Shaun is talking about and are probably looking at this as some rambling confession from a narcissistic prospective blogger who is craving attention toward the carefully arrangement of elegant sounding words. The concept of who The Shaun believes himself to be eludes many and that is completely understood and acceptable. The Shaun believes we are not meant to be understood or why bother to try to be understood. No one wants the context any story to just be given to them; even though the existence of Wikipedia and various YouTube spoiler channels could lead one to think differently. There is still a section of society that dares to dig deeper in the story of their lives and look to embrace the meaning of it and it is those people that The Shaun seems to connect with. We live in a world that constantly insists and pressure its citizens to be and think just like everyone else. We are conditioned to conform from the moment we are brought into the world; believe this, talk like that, love them but NOT them. The Shaun dares to live on the other side of this belief. Everyone is created unique hence should be allowed to live their live uniquely.

“Don’t be shocked when your history book mentions me
I will lay down my life if it sets us free
Eventually you’ll see my ascendancy”

While those close embraced The Shaun for who he is, for better or worse, others did not. Friends and family knew and loved The Shaun while others at work or otherwise just knew Shaun. It took a while to truly realize that both were separate beings with the same body yet as time passed it began clear. Shaun wore the suit and tie while The Shaun rocked jeans and a hoodie. Shaun maintained a political correct stance on all topics to ensure professional harmony. The Shaun’s ambitions lied with liberating all and creating a better world while Shaun’s ambitions lied at the top of the corporate ladder. The realization of The Shaun leading a double life gave way to a more devastating discovery.

Shaun was slowly killing The Shaun.

Shaun took The Shaun off course and into the direction of status quo. As previously noted, small blips of The Shaun’s passion and desires to reshape the world would come out, only to be rejected by the world Shaun was surrounded in. The Shaun initially wore Shaun has a mask to blend into society to gain necessary knowledge and resources to pursue his goals yet failed to recognize that Shaun began a life of his own; drowning The Shaun in the American Dream and aspirations opposite of everything The Shaun believed in. Shaun wanted to dance the line of professionalism that conformed to the standards assigned to him. The Shaun believed that being an individual who denied the presence of such lines altogether. Through the thrill of brief moments of success, monetary rewards, disingenuous accolades and deceptively unrealistic connections formed with those who embraced the role in this game as pawns, The Shaun briefly gave into the thought he may have a place in this world Shaun was presented with. The Shaun soon realized this was not the case at all. The reality was neither The Shaun nor Shaun were happy as each were keeping the other from fulfilling what they believed to be a meaningful life.

The Shaun had forgotten the meaning of life:

The meaning of life is to love because without love, life has no meaning.

Love was not the focus of The Shaun’s life hence resulting in The Shaun not loving life.

The world wasn’t wide enough.

One had to go.

A line was drawn just before Labor Day and Shaun was the first one to cross.

On Columbus Day, one cut all ties to the other.

“I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory
This is where it gets me: on my feet
The enemy ahead of me”

Associates released to ensure the connections to friends and family would not be lost.

Focused on greatness of life filled with rewards of the heart and spirit; not those determined by status, salary or title.

New Job. New suits.

New phone. Who dis?

New address. Sorry no Shaun here.

No Shaun here indeed.

Only The Shaun.

“Raise a glass to freedom…”

Plot twist. In this version, Hamilton doesn’t put his gun in the air.

It was Hamilton who was determined not to let Burr make an orphan of his daughters.

Sorry world, you’re stuck with the kid and he does what he wants from here on out.

Enjoy the ride or get off because God has a plan for The Shaun and he can’t wait to see what it is.

And he has his pen in his hand.

#theshaunhasspoken

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